An Open Letter To The Beanee Weenee Folks

Dear Beanee Weenee Folks,

First of all let me say that I have long been a big ol' Beanee Weenee fan. Packing 13 grams of protein and sealed in a flip-top can, (the size of which nestles nicely down in my saddle horn bags) I consider them the perfect trail food.

Recently, while shopping at a chain grocery store, (that I will refer to as "Lie-Lo") I made a discovery that got me in a snit, put my panties in a wad and made indignity rear it's ugly head. The Beanee Weenees had gone from eighty-five cents per can to $1.12!!! Mad I was! Mad as a hornet! (In case you didn't know, hornets get pretty mad)

So, there I was all snitty with wadded panties, and I made a decision to write an angry letter to you folks. I thought about telling you that, if you had gold beans and a platinum wienie, then and only then would I consider paying the price which Lie-Lo was asking. I was going to be mean and write all kinds of terrible things, but first I had to investigate and get all of my ducks in a row, because I like ducks in a row and I believe ducks like being in a row.

On my high horse I climbed. A consumer on a mission.

Well, the investigation ensued and what I found completely changed my tune and even unwadded my panties. (What a relief) For one thing I found Beanee Weenees at another store for $0.87 per can and that appeased me pretty good, but that doesn't have anything to do with my investigation.

After peeling the top off from the easy-open can, I poured the contents on a dinner plate. Surprising it was, when I lined up all of the wienie segments and had what looked like a whole wienie! There were actually thirteen wienie pieces and that made me happy, since I'm not the least bit superstitious. While I was pretty impressed with the wienie data, the best was yet to come. Upon completing the tedious task of counting beans, I was filled with shame for ever entertaining the thought of bashing your fine product. There was a grand total of one-hundred-ninety-nine beans in that one little can!

I have decided that Beanee Weenees are a deal at any price! That being said, I'm going to wash the nasty taste of crow out of my mouth with a can of pleasingly delectable Beanee Weenees.

Very Truly Yours,
Cindy Guiton

P.S. I've never squeezed that many animal euphemisms in one letter before.