How do I lose sleep? Let me count the ways:
1. Hot flashes. There I am snoozing, snuggled under a quilt in my nice, cool bedroom...... when...DING! DING! DING! DING! There's a four alarm fire going on inside my body! Off goes the quilt and I lay, sprawled across the bed to cool down. Before long I begin to snooze again, only to wake up, because I'm shivering in the cold. Big fight with the dog to get my quilt back.
2. I accidentally hang a foot or a hand over the edge of the bed. Anytime an extremity is hanging over the edge of the bed....it just freaks me out! You may find that a little silly, but the fact is: that creature has been living under my bed for 51 years and I doubt that he's going anywhere soon.
3. It's 2:00 AM! For whatever reason 2:00 AM is the magical hour, when I wake and begin to think about things. Things like: what I'll fix for supper that night, anything I may have said that made me look like a dumbass, wonder if I set the alarm, wonder if I set the coffee pot, anything and everything that has pissed me off over the past 30 years, etc.......
4. The dog has nightmares. I wake to soothe her and tell the poor baby that everything is alright.
5. Husband has nightmares. Something is always after him. This starts out with a little moaning and rapidly escalates to hideous screeching and flailing arms. I am jolted awake with a rush of adrenaline, begin screaming at him as I get into "defense mode" protecting my face and head from his large, out-of-control arms. The other night a "big cat" was after him. The dog, who had been asleep on the couch, ran in to see about the commotion. The husband apologized to the dog for waking her up. Here's a confession: Several years ago Mr. Something's-After-Me had pissed me off before we went to bed. As luck would have it, he began having one of "those" nightmares. I slid out of arms reach and whispered, (over and over) "It's gonna gitcha."
6. Husband has to roll over. Imagine me in the middle of a good dream, a really good dream, I mean a REALLY good dream! (Sorry. No juicy dream details. It's my dream) Now, imagine a six foot long, 230 pound fish lying on it's back, right next to me in bed. The fish begins thrashing violently, making odd noises, eventually coming to rest on it's side. So much for my REALLY good dream. Dammit! After a while I drift off to sleep and have nightmares about being stabbed in the stomach with a dorsal fin.
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