Dear Beanee Weenee Folks,
First of all let me say that I have long been a big ol' Beanee Weenee fan. Packing 13 grams of protein and sealed in a flip-top can, (the size of which nestles nicely down in my saddle horn bags) I consider them the perfect trail food.
Recently, while shopping at a chain grocery store, (that I will refer to as "Lie-Lo") I made a discovery that got me in a snit, put my panties in a wad and made indignity rear it's ugly head. The Beanee Weenees had gone from eighty-five cents per can to $1.12!!! Mad I was! Mad as a hornet! (In case you didn't know, hornets get pretty mad)
So, there I was all snitty with wadded panties, and I made a decision to write an angry letter to you folks. I thought about telling you that, if you had gold beans and a platinum wienie, then and only then would I consider paying the price which Lie-Lo was asking. I was going to be mean and write all kinds of terrible things, but first I had to investigate and get all of my ducks in a row, because I like ducks in a row and I believe ducks like being in a row.
On my high horse I climbed. A consumer on a mission.
Well, the investigation ensued and what I found completely changed my tune and even unwadded my panties. (What a relief) For one thing I found Beanee Weenees at another store for $0.87 per can and that appeased me pretty good, but that doesn't have anything to do with my investigation.
After peeling the top off from the easy-open can, I poured the contents on a dinner plate. Surprising it was, when I lined up all of the wienie segments and had what looked like a whole wienie! There were actually thirteen wienie pieces and that made me happy, since I'm not the least bit superstitious. While I was pretty impressed with the wienie data, the best was yet to come. Upon completing the tedious task of counting beans, I was filled with shame for ever entertaining the thought of bashing your fine product. There was a grand total of one-hundred-ninety-nine beans in that one little can!
I have decided that Beanee Weenees are a deal at any price! That being said, I'm going to wash the nasty taste of crow out of my mouth with a can of pleasingly delectable Beanee Weenees.
Very Truly Yours,
Cindy Guiton
P.S. I've never squeezed that many animal euphemisms in one letter before.
For whatever reason, I woke in the middle of the night and began thinking about what I might put on my bucket list. I thought and I thought, but drew nothing but a blank. My fear of heights prevents me from listing things like sky diving, bungee-jumping and parasailing, and my lack of enthusiasm where foreign countries are concerned prevents me from listing a lot of other things.
Rather than a list of things I haven't done, what formed in my mind was a list of things that I have done. It blew me away.
First and foremost, I am the mother of two great children who (in spite of me) turned out to be really good people. Granted, the things I am mentioning in this paragraph are not really what people put on a list of things they would want to do before they die, but this is MY blog and I'll mention whatever I choose. I have two really cool step-children. It's so nice when your step-kids tell you that they love you and you believe them! There are six awesome grandchildren sprinkled in the mix, too.
As for my life experiences, I have:
- been snow, water and jet-skiing as well as snowmobiling.
- gone whitewater rafting.
- sat on Virginia Beach and ate ice cream with all three of my sisters.
- driven the longest bridge in the world, Lake Pontchartrain Causeway. (24 miles)
- driven the Mackinac Bridge. (one of the worlds longest suspension bridges)
- driven the old Sunshine Skyway Bridge in Florida.
- seen buffalo, bear, moose and elk in the wild.
- chased a bull while riding a horse. (tequila courage)
- visited Niagara Falls several times.
- been at Mt. Rushmore twice.
- watched in awe as the Northern Lights danced in the sky.
- been on Mt. Mitchell. (the highest peak in NC.)
- played a bass drum in the worlds longest parade. (Detroit 1976)
- looked out over the Badlands in South Dakota.
- watched the sun rise over the Atlantic and watched it set on the Gulf of Mexico and Lake Michigan.
- driven on Daytona Beach.
- seen the Rolling Stones in concert, twice.
- ridden my horse on the highest peak in Virginia.
- looked at actual Revolutionary war bullet holes in the Old North Church.
- driven much of the Blueridge Parkway.
- literally had my breath taken away by the beauty of the Rocky Mountains.
- bought a coffee cup on Pikes Peak. (after 33 years...I'm still drinking coffee out of that cup)
- had my picture taken by Plymouth Rock.
- seen Tina Turner in concert. She put on an AWESOME show!
- almost gotten caught peeing on the Appalachian Trail.
The last one is not one of my finer moments, but (in my defense) I didn't even realize that I was on the Appalachian Trail at the time. I sought cover behind a boulder and found what looked like a deer path. Thankfully, the bandanna-wearing dog emerged before the hikers.
Nothin' we like better here at The Half-Assed Acres Ranch, than some spinach-ranch pizza. It's quick, it's easy and it'll make your taste buds do si do and promenade all over your mouth!
If you're one of those people who has no imagination and has to have exact measurements, then don't waste your time reading any farther. We run a "fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants" operation around here. Sometimes a little chaotic, but it works.
This time I used 9 inch tortillas, because that's what I happened to have in the refrigerator. Even though you only see two in the pics, I actually made three, because the two of us eat like hogs. Suppertime is never pretty at our house.
Rub your baking sheet lightly with oil and lay on the tortillas. Drizzle on the ranch dressing and spread it around with a fork, your fingers or whatever. You vegans and vegetarians might like to try sweet vidalia onion dressing and you can figure out what else to do in order to make the pizza to fit your lifestyle. Load on the spinach leaves! You'll notice that I just piled them on rather than arranging them perfectly, because that's how I roll. If you happen to be a big, prissy, sissy then feel free to arrange them in any fashion you like.
Drain a small can of sliced black olives (a little over 2 ounces) along with a small can of mushrooms and distribute over the spinach. For me a little chopped up left-over chicken served as another nice topping.
Pile on the cheese! No such thing as too much cheese! I used whatever part-skim mozzarella I had along with some kind of 4-cheese Mexican blend. (even though I seriously doubt that the Mexicans had much to do with it) Sometimes I add some Parmesan on top, but I didn't do that this time.
Sprinkle garlic powder over the top and stick them in a 350 degree oven. I think I baked mine for about 20 minutes, but to be perfectly honest, I had had several drinks by the time I put them in the oven and I even had a couple more while they were baking. I guess you can understand why I forgot to keep close track of the baking time. Besides, if you're too stupid to be able to tell when they're done, you probably shouldn't be using an oven in the first place.
Well! Well! Lookie here! I actually remembered to take a picture of the finished product! (when I woke up this morning I was trying to remember if I had gotten a pic after I took them out of the oven)
A little side note: I meant to buy fresh mushrooms, but I forgot. That's why I used the canned mushrooms which were fine, because (around here) we embrace all things half-assed.
He likes them scrambled and wouldn't even consider eating any runny yolk. I like them over-medium, but we usually just have scrambled. Easier. Saves time.
I tend to be a little critical. Something that I've noticed about myself and I'm working on that unflattering habit.
So, I bit my tongue this morning when he was frying my over-mediums at a temperature that was clearly too high. I made this conscious effort, because I love him.
While I was eating, it occurred to me that he had prepared eggs that turn his stomach, because he loves me. Enough said.
No. There is one more thing. Those were the best eggs I've ever had.
